The “I don’t know what to say” Syndrome 

Not exactly a real syndrome but it’s what I and many other people have around the world. So here are a few approaches towards overthrowing this condition.

The “Problem”

A frequent issue among people is having an empty head when it comes to what to say next. Speaking from experience and on going issue, your talking with someone and then arise a very uncomfortable and awkward silence. If you know me, then we may have experienced this, haha.

What can I do to overcome this challenge?

Here’s what I’m working on

Why is this even coming up?

First and foremost, a few reasons why I think we are experiencing these issues. One reason is that we are not is our “world”. Our comfort zone (meaning for example that you go to a party to watch the NFL Super Bowl but know nothing about the sport while the other people are huge fans).

But a common reason why we may run into this problem is that we feel that we have to say the right thing. To avoid appearing stupid for saying the wrong thing or asking the wrong question. Or you may want to impress someone.

For me, I can say these three reason are the culprits to my dilemma or not knowing what to say.

1: Listen to your high school teachers. 

Teachers would always ask the student if they have any questions and to always participate in class. There’s no wrong question or no wrong answer ( I beg to differ to the “no wrong answer”, people are wrong a lot). But anyways, you don’t always have to have the perfect answer. The only person expecting you have to the perfect answer to everything is you.

Having such goal can accumulate performance anxiety and it screws with your mind and does not help you improve anything. So now your mind is paralyzed and now have nothing to say next.

2: Thinking is good and all, but don’t think too hard. 

Don’t think too much, you’ll create a problem that wasn’t even there in the first place. When you think too much you tend to have your focus inwards. You become self conscious, start to question yourself and fear what the future may bring. You get stuck between options for what to say and nothing comes out.

So you need to step back and bring your awareness with you to the present moment and start thinking outwards again. Thus, focusing on what people are actually saying and what is happening around you and your conversation.

This is called your natural headspace. This is where you are when you are with your family and friends.

But Aaron, I can’t get into this comfortable and social headspace you speak of around other people!

No need to worry imaginary person! All you have to do is just Breathe or/and Observe and Assume Rapport. 

Breathe, rapport…huh???

Breathe or/and Observe. In order to connect with this comfortable state you need to focus on your breathing and/or observe and take in your surroundings with all your 6 senses…oh wait…forgot you guys only have the normal 5 senses. I have the extra one 🙂 haha, Shhh 😳!

Assume Rapport. By this I mean, don’t go into a meeting/conversation/social gathering, etc. thinking “how will this go” and very nervous and worried. Assume your going in and meeting with a good friend and that you are you to establish a good conversation or connection (Rapport). Then you should automatically slid on into your comfort zone and mindset of your just with another good friend of yours.

3: Curious George 

When you are stuck in some kind of negative emotional state then you are closed up. You tend to create division in your world and mind. You create barriers between you and other things/people.

So here’s the trick. If you become curious then you body and mind permeates with joy, anticipation and eagerness. Which then opens you up. And when you are open and enthusiastic then you have more fun things to think about than focusing on your nervousness or fear. So be curious.

Alright now your curious, but don’t get stuck in the questions game where the conversation turns into an interrogation. Mix the questions up with making statements. Instead of asking them what’s their favorite kind of music, just tell them what your favorites are and then let them carry forward from the statement.

4: Associate 

Find something in what you are already talking about to help you move into the next topic. The topic of camping gear on TV can help you bounce over to the time you and your family got trapped in a rain storm in just a tint. And then you and the people in the conversation can go on to talking about family or maybe the other rain storm or camping experiences.

You can also find inspiration for topics by simply observing your surroundings. Which goes back to just breathing and observation.

5. Prepare.

The tips above should help you out but if you get really stuck anyway then you may want prepare and have a few topics in your mental back pocket.

The person you are talking to. Again, curiosity is good because people like to talk about themselves.

Passions. People love to share positive emotions and usually like to know what makes the other person tick.

Watercooler topics and the news. It never hurts to be updated on what’s happening in the world.
Again thanks for reading and please follow for future post updates and comments. And share if you can. Much Appreciated!