What is “Christmas”

Well, it’s Christmas. So I guess I’m suppose to say “Merry Christmas”. What does that mean?

I don’t think there is any one True Meaning of Christmas – rather there are as many meanings as there are people. Yes, Christmas has a history, and that history affects us all, but each family has their own Christmas traditions and meaning. Children find yet a different meaning and one that changes as they grow and develop. The word “Merry” means to be joyful, celebrate, and be in general good cheer. “Christmas” is the birth of Jesus Christ. “Merry Christmas” implies that people should make “Merry” and enjoy in the celebration of his birth.

Certainly Christmas is a time of giving and sharing with those around us, but that sharing is not limited to those that we love and care for. It is also for the person that we have never met and will never see. Those that are not so fortunate in their lives as “we are” and that could use a helping hand.
This Christmas I’m not worrying about receiving any gift. The people I know either don’t have money, don’t have enough, don’t want to be bothered or has some other plans, etc. So I am not caring about that right now. I mostly care about spending time with the people I call my family and friends that I do have. With me saying that, you would expect I would love to be with my mom and her boyfriend today but no. Sitting around the house, staring at the wall, maybe watching movies on my phone and wasting data, watching them go and buy more beer to drink and not have a clue or care in the world is not my ideal of a Christmas day. I understand I could have done some things a little different and gone with my other family to Tennessee or maybe avoid being ditched and put out of the other living situation I was in on Christmas Eve to be forced to come back to my mom’s house.

I feel like I’m going to lose my mine. I don’t know how to describe the way it feels to just be let go over and over again and to have nothing to do at all. Sleeping on the floor, the door to the porch doesn’t close right so it let’s in all the cold my room, which I love the cold but still shouldn’t have to deal with that. As I was making a Facebook post using the feelings feature, I was typing the feeling of being abandoned and using a sad emoji face, then I realized that I have not made a post of my Abandoned Knight blog thus leading my here, typing away and starring into nothing.

The True Meaning of Christmas. It is many meanings to us. It means sharing of ourselves with others. It means giving to others that need our help. It means reviving the old traditions that we have formed over the years and remembering our past. It means promoting and participating in the magic and wonder that children find in Christmas. It is a time of love and generosity.

– Merry Christmas

Update #2 Whats Been Happening

Wow! So, it has been a while, huh guys?! Well I’m back and I’m here with some good news. If you have been following my blog for a little while now then you will know that there has been some chaos and not much of anything else going on. Keep reading to hear about what has changed and what college I’m going to and where I’m working at.

So, since the last time I posted about my life, changes have accrued. I now work at a lovely coffee joint called Tim Hortons. I have been there for about 4 mouth and I really love it. I love that I get to interact with customers even though sometimes they can be rude but they just want their coffee, most of them. The job is pretty easy but can get chaotic during the mornings around 6:00, but that just makes everything interesting, doesn’t it? Now I’m only working like one or two days a week because of school. Speaking of which…

Independence. Responsibility. Self-Motivation. These few words are associated with college, as among others. As I have been accepted into the Bachelors of Fine Arts in Digital Filmmaking at Villa Maria College, I, myself have accepted the responsibility of being independent, responsible of my own actions and self-motivated. College is definitely a big step from high school. In college, you are more on your own, you have to make the decision of doing something with your life even more so. You chose to put in that application and to take out loans if you needed to. You don’t have the same teachers that babied you in high school, bugged you about getting your work done. You are an adult now. Start acting like it. As maybe most of you know, I enjoy making and editing videos, taking and editing photos and maybe just the love of art itself, so, taking this program is not a surprise. I have been busy this week with Welcome Week, which is a string of activities throughout the week to interact with other students, meet the staff and become more involve with the school. And yes, I have been to all of them. My two favorites were Chalk Villa and the Club Fair. Chalk Villa is where you basically just grab some chalk and get to chalking up the from sidewalks of the main building. Me and one of my new friends from film class were able to go start early and it was pretty fun. I drew 2 things which I’ll show below along with the rest of the students chalk work. The club fair was my other favorite and that was basically what the name says. That’s right, the day we get to sign up for clubs and I signed up for four and maybe another one if I can. The four I chose were Film Club, Photography Club, Gaming Guild(Club) and Debate Club! They do exactly what the name implies so I hopefully don’t have to go into the explanation of that.

The only thing that hasn’t changed much is me still living with my mom. Living with her is still pretty bad, mentally stressful and only god knows what else. She and everybody else still drinks and smokes all day and night and get very drunk at night so sleeping there or just being there is very stressful. I say mentally stressful because it is not very healthy to be sitting in the middle of everything, just listening and knowing the minute I say something about it things will just get worst and not stop. So, it helps that I can be at the college however long I want. School opens at 7:30am and closes at 12:00 am, not that I stay until 12:00am but I typically stay about 15 hours a day in the college. I would stay until 12:00am but I know I wouldn’t feel like walking back to the house at midnight, so, I just leave around 9:00pm. There’s also a gym here obviously that I can use and help my journey of weight loss and give me something else to do.

Alright, guys I’m sorry for not posting in a while. I kind of left everyone in the dark for the past few months. Once again I will try and keep on this so you know what is going on.

 

Why Photography?

Why Photography….

Photography for me is an excuse to be someplace I otherwise don’t belong. It gives me both a point of connection and a point of separation.

I take photos because it makes me happy. It lets me see the world from many different perspectives and to see the things I missed when I take them into the editing program. Another thing is that the more photos I take, the more people that can not go out to see for themselves enjoy them from afar

 

Landscape Photography

Capturing something like a landscape, demonstrates how big the world is and how beautiful it can be once you stop the have a look. Nowadays, everything has to be “right now”, rushed, no time to observe your surroundings. But the minute you stop…take a breath… and look!

Black and White

To me black and white photography looks amazing–when it’s done right. The reason I say that is because it is not just taking all the color out and making the photo dark, and especially not just slapping on a black and white filter. There is more to work with if you want to get it right. The colors become shades of grey or Tonal Contrast. So now your editing the highlights, dark tones, etc.

Black and white photography is great for showing emotions. As well as a ageless quality because we still think black and white as a throwback to photographic history. My black and white photography aren’t the best since I still have to master the skill.

 

All of my photography that I do is all done on my iPhone 6s Plus and editing in Lightroom and Snapseed. If you would like to check out more of my photos you can follow my photography page on Instagram @acade_photography or my Facebook page.

The “I don’t know what to say” Syndrome

Not exactly a real syndrome but it’s what I and many other people have around the world. So here are a few approaches towards overthrowing this condition.

The “Problem”

A frequent issue among people is having an empty head when it comes to what to say next. Speaking from experience and on going issue, your talking with someone and then arise a very uncomfortable and awkward silence. If you know me, then we may have experienced this, haha.

What can I do to overcome this challenge?

Here’s what I’m working on

Why is this even coming up?

First and foremost, a few reasons why I think we are experiencing these issues. One reason is that we are not is our “world”. Our comfort zone (meaning for example that you go to a party to watch the NFL Super Bowl but know nothing about the sport while the other people are huge fans).

But a common reason why we may run into this problem is that we feel that we have to say the right thing. To avoid appearing stupid for saying the wrong thing or asking the wrong question. Or you may want to impress someone.

For me, I can say these three reason are the culprits to my dilemma or not knowing what to say.

1: Listen to your high school teachers. 

Teachers would always ask the student if they have any questions and to always participate in class. There’s no wrong question or no wrong answer ( I beg to differ to the “no wrong answer”, people are wrong a lot). But anyways, you don’t always have to have the perfect answer. The only person expecting you have to the perfect answer to everything is you.

Having such goal can accumulate performance anxiety and it screws with your mind and does not help you improve anything. So now your mind is paralyzed and now have nothing to say next.

2: Thinking is good and all, but don’t think too hard. 

Don’t think too much, you’ll create a problem that wasn’t even there in the first place. When you think too much you tend to have your focus inwards. You become self conscious, start to question yourself and fear what the future may bring. You get stuck between options for what to say and nothing comes out.

So you need to step back and bring your awareness with you to the present moment and start thinking outwards again. Thus, focusing on what people are actually saying and what is happening around you and your conversation.

This is called your natural headspace. This is where you are when you are with your family and friends.

But Aaron, I can’t get into this comfortable and social headspace you speak of around other people!

No need to worry imaginary person! All you have to do is just Breathe or/and Observe and Assume Rapport. 

Breathe, rapport…huh???

Breathe or/and Observe. In order to connect with this comfortable state you need to focus on your breathing and/or observe and take in your surroundings with all your 6 senses…oh wait…forgot you guys only have the normal 5 senses. I have the extra one 🙂 haha, Shhh 😳!

Assume Rapport. By this I mean, don’t go into a meeting/conversation/social gathering, etc. thinking “how will this go” and very nervous and worried. Assume your going in and meeting with a good friend and that you are you to establish a good conversation or connection (Rapport). Then you should automatically slid on into your comfort zone and mindset of your just with another good friend of yours.

3: Curious George 

When you are stuck in some kind of negative emotional state then you are closed up. You tend to create division in your world and mind. You create barriers between you and other things/people.

So here’s the trick. If you become curious then you body and mind permeates with joy, anticipation and eagerness. Which then opens you up. And when you are open and enthusiastic then you have more fun things to think about than focusing on your nervousness or fear. So be curious.

Alright now your curious, but don’t get stuck in the questions game where the conversation turns into an interrogation. Mix the questions up with making statements. Instead of asking them what’s their favorite kind of music, just tell them what your favorites are and then let them carry forward from the statement.

4: Associate 

Find something in what you are already talking about to help you move into the next topic. The topic of camping gear on TV can help you bounce over to the time you and your family got trapped in a rain storm in just a tint. And then you and the people in the conversation can go on to talking about family or maybe the other rain storm or camping experiences.

You can also find inspiration for topics by simply observing your surroundings. Which goes back to just breathing and observation.

5. Prepare.

The tips above should help you out but if you get really stuck anyway then you may want prepare and have a few topics in your mental back pocket.

The person you are talking to. Again, curiosity is good because people like to talk about themselves.

Passions. People love to share positive emotions and usually like to know what makes the other person tick.

Watercooler topics and the news. It never hurts to be updated on what’s happening in the world.
Again thanks for reading and please follow for future post updates and comments. And share if you can. Much Appreciated! 

Easily Emotionally Attached

If your anything like me then you will understand how bad it is to meet someone and quickly and easily get attached to that person and to just to get hurt.
If a girl shows the slightest of affection towards me, I almost instantly start to get clingy and start to really like or “fall in love” so to speak. And it’s not like I’m trying hard to find anybody at this moment, I don’t mind waiting. Love is Patients! So why do I start to obsess or latch onto others?

I discovered that I didn’t feel accepted for a long time and when someone accepted me and made me feel understood, I started to fall for them- hard.

If that person obviously does not like you in that way, why are you still chasing them?

We cannot force people to want to be in our lives.

I believe that if you practice self-love and to try and enjoy your own company/solitude, you won’t be so attached to the person.

Instead of chasing, just be still. Work on yourself, explore your passions, go on an adventure and discover who you are.

Keep reminding yourself that and one day, you won’t feel the need to attach so easily.

Another reason could be that you aren’t completely happy with yourself and/or your life. So you feel the need (unknowingly) to depend on someone else to give you happiness, comfort, acceptance, company, excitement, security, etc.

You need to learn to have more CONFIDENCE in yourself and love yourself enough to create a life YOU LOVE living in. You need to change your mindset and yourself so you don’t need anyone to add excitement into your life because you’re lacking it.

It isn’t easy but it’s do-able with a lot of determination and perseverance. Trust yourself. Learn to dismiss those negative thoughts. Make your life into something that is exciting so you won’t NEED someone else. It’s dangerous to feel like you need to have someone in your life. You are gonna be dependent on them for everything and that is just bad news.

Would I Stay or Would I Go

Military is a big decision! Somebody asked me “If I were to get my life back together, would I stay?” Having my life together would consist of a great job, living on my own or with girlfriend/wife, a car, gym membership, actual friends, etc. But…would I stay?
I know the military could be dangerous. We [USA] wouldn’t be where we are if we didn’t have a military or weren’t dangerous. If every man and woman listened to their parents or significant other telling them not to join then I don’t know how we would have gotten through in this world. Our government would be controlled differently, we’ll have terrorist running around all Willy nilly. So, we don’t listen, at least not all of us, and we go in to support our country as much as we can. I believe if everyone served at least 1 contract in any branch, the world would be a better place.

I tend to always want more, always expect more out of things and people. I want my life to be a little bit more exciting and I don’t seem to get it from just being a citizen. I can sit here and prevent hackers from penetrating into a company’s database or whatever. But I could also travel around and prevent terrorist from penetrating into the governments systems. I could be a security guard for a bar or some random company protecting people from hurting each other, bar fights, etc. but being a security guard for the US Embassy over seas sounds a little more interesting. Going through many tough trainings to protect more sensitive information and valuable people.

Another thing is that you have to chance of developing a brotherhood more substantial than any other. Yes, you can become best friends with your next door cubicle buddy but that’s not the same. Having somebody travel with you for 4 – 20 years, having to trust them and know they have your back and you watching their back until death is another thing.

So I repeat the question at hand. Would I stay?

No!

Living with Parent(s)

Good day folks! Just like the title says, Living with Parent(S). Been living with my mom and her husband or whatever he is now. But it’s been like 2 and half weeks and I have been trying to start over. You know the how it is! Job, money, apartment, etc.
Let starts with how it is living back with her since the last time I lived with my mom is 9 years old. And knowing that it was at 9 years old that I was taken away and I don’t know too much about my mom, but being with her now feels like I don’t know her at all. She’s not doing drugs anymore, she is drinking and smoking cigarettes which is kind of a more normal activity. The things is, the guy she’s with and her both drink and smoke nonstop. Going to the store everyday to buy a new case of bear. The beer is killing them obviously but the only thing that’s noticeable is maybe slower brain functions. I only say this because I can’t seem to hold a conversation with her. I already get angry when L doesn’t listen to me at all and I have to repeat myself-no wait, that’s actually a lot of people that I’m around. They’re trying to talk over when and get the attention but anyways. My mom hears me and listens to me but is not even understanding me at all. I’ll bring something up, whether it’s a question or just a statement and she’ll just look at me and does the whole I’m listening head movement thing and eye contact but then in her responses it’ll be something completely different. A different topic. So it’s hard to hold a conversation with her sometimes.
Other than that I put in tons of applications to places all over. My mom gets a bus pass every month but doesn’t really use it. She said I could use it to get to places. And I got a call about getting an interview and everything for the next day. I would tell you how the interview went but I can’t because I had to cancel. My moms bus pass is only a reduced fare and I still need to pay the other half of the fare, but guess what, I can’t because I don’t have any money. Think someone will help with a ride, but no. Doesn’t matter anyways because I would need a ride everyday or money until my first pay paycheck. Can’t get a job because can’t get there, can’t ride the bus- no money, can’t make money- no job- can’t get to the job. Just a cycle. HELP!
And yes I have one dread left…(next post)
Oh and it’s snowing!!! Time to get back into snowboarding right?!?!

The Return

I’m back…back in Buffalo, back to short hair, back to black and best of all I’m back with you guys! Did you think I forgot about you? Man! I haven’t been posting in a while, so let me rewind this back a little bit.

Alright I was being left behind in Brocton, NY where L, his mom T and I were staying and then she decided to come and get L and leave me. (Someone please let me know if your getting tired of the name abbreviations or if it’s getting confusing, I will stop and use first names). T came back for the rest of her stuff and randomly decided “oh, your coming with us, can’t just leave you here”. So I went along ended up back in Downtown Buffalo. As I’m staying everything is slowly getting bad in the couple weeks of being there. Everyone arguing, fighting, yelling, it’s pretty crazy. Plus I’m not welcome there anyways. Had to leave that place.

I wondered on down to my mom’s house and been staying here for about 2 1/2 weeks now. I’ll do an in depth post about this later but, it’s a great place to stay at until I get back on my feet and move out…again…but this time I won’t be forced.

Wwhhhooooaaaa! Did someone say “back to short hair”?! Yes, I wouldn’t say short hair necessarily right now. I just don’t have any dreads. Maybe just one! (Next Post)

Oh yeah…didn’t I tell you, I been teaching myself Svenska(Swedish) for no reason at all for the last month and a half or so.

Hallå, hur mår du? Tack för läsning!

Then There were 2

This is a post I forgot to unload a day ago but here you guys go.

T is gone and took L with her. I couldn’t go with, which is fine. She came back yesterday and took the dogs and then one of the cats ran away somehow. Now it’s just me and the one cat that doesn’t like me at all. Hmm.
Since she has to be out of the apartment by the 30th or something, that means I have like 9 days to figure out where I’m going to go and how I’m going to get there, but I do know it won’t be with T again. Even if I could I probably wouldn’t.

Could things get worst?

Yes!

Did it?

No?

“Give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you.” Luke 6:38

As I was worrying about the food situation for those 9 days with only $20 from T. Putting up with her and being treated like crap and being asked to take care of her dogs for a little and asked to do this and that and only getting $20. I don’t know either! I don’t usually ask for anything in return but in this situation, you bet I will want something from her. She already owes me a few things. Anyways all the giving is turning out to be good because last night I’m laying down sort of watching TV, isn’t anything else to do, no internet for games or whatever, no movies, no friends, and then I get a knock at the door a couple times :)- not going to get into that- but someone was knocking and I answered it.

It was my neighbor(the new guy) and he knows someone named J very closely and I know J from the library, so small world or maybe just small town. He offered to bring me some food over. You know, some donuts, chips, drinks, etc. No I don’t have to worry too much about how I’m going to eat and now I can focus on where I’m going to live. Trading one for the other.

Don’t worry I will get back into my usual blog, information type post. I’m 50/50 on these quick update post because I like to have order and a certain theme for each post, I don’t like just skipping around and putting whatever comes to mind about that week, past few days or whatever. Like just simple single topics.

Quick Update

Alright this is just a quick little update for the past week. Basically it’s the same story but just so you guys know what’s been going on since my last post.
My best friends mom T has received her $18,000 settlement and she left to Buffalo for a whole week leaving us here at the house and she is already down to $3000 somehow and nothing to show for it. We even had a plan of getting our own place but I guess that’s not going to happen.

Other than that me and L been taking care of the dogs and cats and the house. T gave us $100 the first day she left and said to do the laundry and a couple other things and then left for a couple days. Why!?!? No idea. But if we did all the laundry and whatever else then we wouldn’t have money for food. Then she came back for something and L asked for $300 and bought a $150 sword and a few other things we didn’t need and then some food. So we had to sell his rifle for some money-got about $325 and that didn’t last to long either. A lot of the food that we’re eating is pre-made so that’s probably why it goes quicker.

The jeep that L bought last month finally got towed away. It wasn’t a working jeep(second time he bought a non working jeep) and it was sitting in the municipal parking lot and they gave him multiple warnings to move it or it’ll be towed because if you live in the village, you can not have a car without license plates sitting around in the open. So he received multiple warnings but we couldn’t move it because it doesn’t drive and nobody was willing to help us. But so eager to ask us for help! That’s all I see in the world today. People can only help themselves.

Anyways that’s all I have for you guys today. Sorry for the jumping around, there wasn’t much else to say besides just sitting around with nothing to do. But stay tune I am probably moving back to Buffalo with my mom until I can make enough money to live on my own or fine a someone that wants to share a house or something like that.

Who/What inspires you

Inspiration can come in many different ways by many different people or things. Let’s talk about the people that inspired me or who helped me when I needed some advice.

The first person that inspired me a lot was Uncle PJ because he would he would take me out with him to different places and teach me a thing or two. He was one of those guys that knows a little about everything, so he would get hired by people around Buffalo to do a new roof, fix some pipes, cars, lawn care, painting and whatever else you can think of. Just about every time he would have a job to go to he would bring me along with him and show the proper way of doing something. So I consider myself very diverse in the handy world of fixing things, haha, if that makes sense, confused myself a little bit. But other than that he was really cool and respectful and he was there if I needed help with something
Another person that I really look up to is my former youth director D, I say former because I’m no longer in the youth group, got to old :). But that doesn’t stop us from being great friends and helping each other out. D and I created a pretty cool secret handshake that we would do whenever we see each other on Sunday or different church events. I look up to D because I love the advice he gives me. Now due to my current situation we have not done what I’m about to explain to you in a while. Once in a while we would get together and go to a movie or go out to eat at Ruby Tuesdays-which is an amazing restaurant and the salad bar is my absolute favorite especially those homemade croutons, Mm Mm Good! It was fun getting to go out and have that little guys night and that personal connection. But the best part was the socializing part. Where I can trust him and he can trust me and we would just talk and I’ll tell him some problems that would be going on between me and whoever or some choices that I would be struggling with and he will just give me great advice on how I could fix it or get through it and to be a better person. He wasn’t just a youth director, but a friend you can trust and relate to.

People’s smiles are another thing that gets me through the day. Like I mentioned before in one of my older post is that I really like helping people and that I have no problem with helping people. If you ask me for help I will do it without argument.

Sometimes I’ll do it the minute you ask me to do, no matter what I’m doing I will stop and do. Playing a game or watching a movie , no problem, I’ll stop it and just go right to doing it. Games aren’t that important to me-I lose then I lose. But then there’s other times where I’ll wait until later to take care of it but I’ll still get it done.

But what I mean about people’s smiles is that when I help people and they give me a smile, then I really appreciate it because it gives me joy that I gave them joy. Let me tell you a story…

I want to inspire people. I want someone to look at me and say “Because of you, I didn’t give up.”

About a week ago, I was sitting in front of the library 3 hours before they open because I don’t like sitting in the house with T yelling at me for helping her with everything she asked me to. So I usually leave to sit at the store, they have a deli and some tables or I’ll go to the library. On the day I went the library opened at 1:00 and a few people came by and I told them they opened at 1:00, just normal information giving. This one women and her husband came by and was looking for the same thing, the time when the library opened because they were interested in a library card. They just moved up here from the south and wanted information on how to get a library card. So I stood up and put my phone down explained to them in very great detail of what you need and how easy it is to obtain one. While I am talking to her, in my head I just have this really good feeling that I can’t explain. And it’s making me happier and happier inside. When we were done, she started to explain to me that I was the first person that went out of their way and took the extra time to explain how to do or get something since they came up to NY. She stated that everyone is always so busy and I made a comment “yeah, apparently everyone’s always too busy to help someone”. The next day she came in and got her library card and a few movies and then she saw me and came over. She told me some more stories about how her husband felt the same way how I’m the first person to help them since they got here. Also she was telling me that she started to cry when she got home that day because she really appreciated my enthusiasm to help her and my smile that gave her a smile and she wanted to give me a hug. So we hugged. So everyday she comes in and bring back movies and books and get new ones, she walks over to me smiling and tells me different stories about her life and what’s she’s doing. Telling me about her walks, who past away in her family, the vacation that she’s taking this Sunday and just different things that she volunteering to tell me. And everyday I leave with a smile thinking why can’t everyone be nice and more mature but no everyone is too tied up with what their doing to realize what’s going on. I was talking to someone and we were talking about how people come in and out of our life for a reason. We’ll talk about her later :)!

Sacrifices

My first post name Introduction I talked about having many options and that something is holding me back. Here’s what I said, “I’ve had many choices and chances throughout the time of staying with them and every time, I’ve choose the wrong one. Something is holding me back”! I think it’s about time to start talking about what it is that’s holding me back…the sacrifices!

Been living with L and T for about a year now and I have gotten nowhere in life. L is my best friend, name, lucas. T is his mother, Teresa. You have to know something about Teresa, you will get yelled at for no reason, even if you do exactly what she ask you to do. You will hear her talk about how she and her “service” dogs were attacked so many times around the world. You will hear her talk in different accents because she is from every state and every country in the world. She is very unstable and have multiple mental problems. Teresa is an Army vet, but this isn’t the reason for the mental problems. She haven’t seen any action when she was over there, she was like some tech person in an office. Actually, she doesn’t even say herself that it’s from the military. She blames everyone else in The United States of America for the reason she’s all messed up in the head and have injuries. She does not save any money for whatever reason and then blames us for living with her and spending all of her money. This is the fastest month we went through money. She $3000 on the 1st on her card and then she left me and Lucas $10 each for food and went off to Buffalo for 2 days. She spent a little over $2000 and came back saying it’s her money she can do whatever she wants with it. Yeah, nothing is wrong with that, except when you spend more than half of it when we still have a whole month to go. I know she is hoping her settlement from her accident comes in because the attorney said it’ll be in around 21 days and it’s $18,000. So she’s just waiting on that money to come in. Which it did but she doesn’t understand she can’t just go to a bank and cash a $18,000 check. That’s why she went to Buffalo again yesterday and spent the rest of the money for a cab and food and what not.

Alright, so she came back this morning and already started yelling at me. She always complaining how I need to go and how I just sit around and sleep all day doing nothing. So I decided to argue back this time. I said that “I’m the only one that ever helps you without giving any attitude because I have no problem helping anyone.” And that “I’m the only one that actually gets up in the morning”. Every morning I’m the only person that wakes up early and tries to leave to the library and the store/deli to sit around at and look for this to do for the whole day. And if Teresa needs help with something I say yes I can help you with that. Lucas will not wake up and help anyone do anything. Giving attitude with every request given to him to do something. So where was Lucas this morning when she was yelling at me for whatever reason…yeah he was sleep…sort of. Before she started yelling at me we were talking and getting up because she wanted us to go to the store. So I don’t know what his problem is. When lucas and his mom are yelling, something I will jump in to help him out but he doesn’t ever seem to help me at all…with anything. I had a job, better living situation, going to college but since being with lucas I haven’t been able to regain what I had. So maybe I’m just better off without him. His mind is not prioritizing what is suppose to be done. Has no responsibilities, won’t clean after himself…Let him fail by himself.